Oh! This pseudo world!

Few days back I happened to go a mall nearby with my daughter. Just as we were stepping out of the mall with several shopping bags, I noticed that a lady security guard was stopping three young boys (must be in their late teens), shabbily dressed but keen to get into the mall to probably to get a dekho of the glitter and the glamour. They were pleading to get into the mall to just roam around and she outright refused them permission. All individuals entering a mall have to go thru the metal detector these days and have to open their bags as well for security reasons. If these boys (from their appearance it looked like they were from a economically and socially poor background) passed these tests and were going ahead, why weren’t they allowed to go in? What threat did they pose when they were not carrying anything? Didn’t they have the right to do some harmless window shopping? Or was it their fault that they weren’t showing off a Prada or a Gucci or one of those obnoxious brands? Why are there different set of rules for different strata of people?


But for the numerous shopping bags that was becoming unmanageable and a toddler who was running away from my gaze, I would have come up to fight this case. The saddest part of this experience is that there are very few people who want to take up such a cause, they would rather be mute spectators, not get their hands dirty and have such ‘entertainment’ for their outing.

Wake up people!

Began with a bang...

Welcomed the New Year rather quietly this time.......it was a welcome change as generally we tend to party and bring in the New Year it more a spiritual experience this time!

The best part of the new beginning was (apart from the resolutions, which I will those later) that we watched Taare Zameen Par on the first day of this year! What a movie! Loved every bit of it! A must watch for all parents and teachers…it takes guts to make such a debut movie…only a sensitive and a socially responsible person could make a movie like this….the child artist is a great find! Those who haven’t seen the movie as yet….please go right away….and what hit me the most when I saw the movie….the example of Solomon islands …those who have seen the movie will know what I am referring to! After a long time I cried buckets and buckets in a movie!

Aamir Khan I salute thee!

This week I happened to watch another lovely movie….a tamil one after a really long time. ‘Mozhi’.....simple story line, lovely screenplay and dialogues, brilliant songs and music. Loved the positive angle of dealing with a physically challenged person in this movie. I am glad I waited this long to watch a nice tamil movie…

The year has begun well and I hope I continue to see more such movies….

Happy new year all of you!

I am Back!

There seems to be a pattern to this hibernation….whenever I feel low it looks like I don’t like to get to cyber space and whenever things seem to be looking up I tend to get back here…....hope I stay here longer this time around!

Where are the Purists?!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching the India vs. Pakistan Twenty 20 match...Didn’t get to see the full match but I did manage to catch the highlights. What a thriller!! I enjoyed every minute of the game and I loved the final bowl over to decide the winner. It was exciting, adrenalin pumping and fun all the way. I have not enjoyed cricket like this for a long time now. It’s not too long, its great entertainment for the crowds, its a mela atmosphere with cheerleaders getting into action every few minutes, drums playing round the clock, the batsmen and the bowlers seem to be having their share of exuberance and most importantly (for the cricketers!!) its pots and pots of money!!!!!!!!!!!

I know several friends of mine who enjoy only the longer version of the game; I wonder what they would have to say about this really shortened adaptation of the game!!!

The match fixing, the slump in Indian cricket (thanks to a ‘gentleman’ called Mr.Chappel) had taken away my interest in the game for some time. With T20 I am back!!! CHEERS!!!

My beliefs vs. My friendships

For some time now I have been battling this dilemma in my mind....whether to go with my values / beliefs or to stick to new friendships that I have made in the recent past.

I am quite against the idea of having children working in any kind of circumstances. Call it the righteousness in me or the background of my exposure in the development field, but I can’t fathom children working in homes leave alone working in difficult circumstances such as coal mines, firework factories etc. A few friends of mine do have young children, within 16 years of age, whom they have as full time help in their homes. In India it’s illegal to make children work and recently child labour in homes was also recognised as an offence and made punishable. I have been toying with the idea of gently telling these friends of mine that I don’t think what they are doing is right. I am not sure how it is going to be received; are they going to be offended?

How do I deal with my conscience? What answers do I give myself when I see those children? Do I choose friendship over something I believe in? I am grappling with this predicament and hope I can sort this out soon.

My greatest fear...

In the last couple of months, there has been 3 deaths in the building where i live. The first two were natural deaths while the third one has shaken everyone in the building. A young mother of two children (boy aged 4.5 and girl aged 2.5 yrs) died suddenly one morning. No one knew what had happened; she died alone at home with her daughter beside her. What happened to her? why didnt she call any of us for help? was she sick, depressed?? what would happen to the children? Several questions remain unanswered. Chhavi is gone but we are left grappling with various questions...

This unfortunate incident has driven home several points. One, life is too unpredictable; no one knows whats going to happen to them tomorrow. Second, death has always been a distant reality for me till now. I have read in several places that death is the biggest fear that people have. When i used to read this, it used to touch me at the cerebral level only. This incident has hit me hard; it has instilled a fear in me of losing my near and dear ones.

It has instilled the fear of death in me...

Pangs of growing up!

My daughter turned 3 during the peak Indian summer this year. She has been a talkative child from the time she has learned to speak! Her memory for names and people has been phenomenal from a young age. Slowly, i see her friends circle expanding. She has her set of favourites with whom she is very paly with all the time and another set with whom she blows hot and cold from time to time.

I see groups being formed and sometimes she is part of it and sometimes she is not. I see her getting upset when some of her friends dont play with her and alienate her..

I dont know whether it is common for every mother to feel so but I do feel bad when my daughter is left out and she feels upset. My maternal instinct wants me to reach out and help her in such situations. But i hold back and tell myself that she will learn to deal with such situations and all this is part of life.

Whether or not my daughter realises this or not i dont know but i can feel the pangs of her growing up!!

Oh freedom! I Love you..

I am writing this blog post from Afghanistan…a place that would never have been on my list of countries that I would love to visit!! Nevertheless work has brought me here and when I was asked to go from my office I didn’t batter an eyelid for a second and thought this would be an opportunity to go to a country that I wouldn’t imagine going to.

As the plane lands in kabul all that one can see is barren land all around…brown, dry and depressing. The airport is full of army helicopters, bunkers and broken down aircrafts and so on.. again depressing….As I enter the airport a passport control officer spots me and points to my bindi and says u! come here! I instantly realise that I am standing out (in the plane from Delhi there are only 2 women and I am one of them) in a crowd because of my bindi!!! Alarm bells starting ringing!! Why is he calling me? What have I done?? Nevertheless he was only trying to help me by clearing my immigration as fast as possible. Gosh! The evil mind that I have!!!

I was supposed to be booked at an ecotel hotel and I was excited about being in a ‘resort’ in a city like Kabul!! I near the hotel and the driver gets off and opens the door. I ask him very innocently whether we have reached because all I can see is a fortress in front of me! The gates of the fortress open and there is the ‘resort’! I swallowed hard and came to terms with what I was seeing in front of me. If I was to compare this place with some hotel in India it would probably be like a two star hotel! Anyway, I have lived in terrible conditions in the past and as usual I was quick to adjust myself to this new situation as well.

Minutes after I settle in I am called for a security briefing! Curfew rules, cover your head, wear full sleeve clothes, radio handset to everyone, no moving out alone anywhere, no shopping (yes! No shopping!! U read that right!!), no eating out, no public transport etc etc. I was expecting this so it was not a surprise to me. Though what struck me hard and I am still thinking about it is how much we take our freedom for granted back home. Small things upset us; we crib about freedom of expression, movement etc etc and here is a place where your life is at risk every minute of your life; life is unpredictable and need to be cautious even while you are indoors or sleeping. Are we not glad that we can go for a drive whenever and wherever we want you? Are we not glad we can go to any shop any time of the day? Are we not glad we can move around anywhere without people keeping track of where we are?

So for all those of u who are reading this post put your life in perspective. Stop cribbing about the small things in life, live life to the fullest, make the most of what u have now coz u never know when it is going to go away from u, live in the present moment and most importantly enjoy your freedom!

Taxi Paaji

Hello! I am back!

This is something I have been wanting to write for a while now but somehow havent done so till now...Its one of the most endearing relationships I have been in...

My work often takes me out of town mainly to Delhi within the country. I tend to take the early morning flight to Delhi. I regularly call a cab service early in the morning to take me to the airport. The driver is a 70+ sardarji..he is the person who comes whenever I call for a cab early in the morning...He refuses to send anyone else because he wants to personally drive me to the airport as he thinks that times have changed now and it is not safe for a woman to be travelling alone at that hour.. So sweet and thoughtful isnt it?! Through this journey of an hour or so from my home to the airport we have very interesting conversations...topics ranging from the good old days (!) to politics to cricket and Bollywood. I enjoy myself thoroughly discussing various hot topics and its interesting to hear his perspective as well...

Off late paaji has not been able to come as his eyesight has worsened and he does not want to take the risk of driving in the morning...I am missing you paaji and i enjoyed the times i spent with you....

Its a new driver...a new route and the beginning of new relationship...but i miss the old times....

Thank You Mom....

For sometime now I have been wanting to get into some hobby which would become a passion that I could look forward to...a passion that I can escape to.. forgetting all the stresses of day to day life...a passion that I could master...

Surprisngly, it was my mom who introduced me to Sudoku! She started doing the puzzle everyday and used to tell me " I am physically very active but I dont want my brains to degenerate at this age...so this indulgence!!!". Initially, I wasnt taking to it too much...felt it was cumbersome to be involved with numbers...plus have never been the numbers person (Astonishingly, I am a wizard when it comes to recollecting phone numbers though!!! dont ask me how!!)..... dont forget I scouted for a school that would offer me another option for Mathematics!!!!

Lately, I have been getting attracted to "The digits must occur only once" puzzle like a moth to the fire (as cliched as it may sound!). Whenever I get time to myself, I find myself sitting with all the old newspapers and solving Howard Garns puzzles..I love challenges and this new challenge keeps my brain ticking all the time...Its a passtime that is fast turning into a passion and i am enjoying it to the hilt! Prague here I come!!!

Where is the public outcry?

Nothing has shaken me more in recent times than the Nithaari murders. It took me a while to register the news; I refused to believe that I live in a place where such gruesome crimes could be committed; I refused to acknowledge that the Moninder’s and the Surinder’s are very much part of our social fabric. I am yet to come to terms with what has happened (or should I?).

It’s been just over a month or so since the Nithaari killings came to light. The first few weeks saw all news channels carrying only this sensational news for quite a while... interviews with affected families, psychologists, lawyers, anyone who had any remote connection to Nithaari but of course not much of the police because they are had goofed up considerably on this case. We heard and saw the protests made by affected families; helpless cries for justice. It’s been over a month now and there isnt any significant coverage of these killings. One hears the stray news that the CBI is close to filing a charge sheet and that’s about it.

I wonder why isn’t there a public outrage and pressure to take on the system especially the police for goof ups that they have made; why isn’t the public talking about speedy justice; why isn’t anyone addressing the grievances of the affected families? The Jessica Lal’s, the Mattoo’s received so much attention from the public and consistent pressure worked in moving the case to their decisive ends…why isn’t such a thing happening here?? Can’t we identify with the families who have lost their children so gruesomely and have been living with hope that one day their children will come back to them??

Out of sight, out of mind?

Haven’t we heard this phrase several times in our lives? I am sure many of u would have experienced it as well. Recently I met a long time friend of mine. We met up like old timers having to catch up on so many things that we wanted to share with each other. Hours together seemed like minutes but we were glad that we could atleast get that time together. In the euphoria that followed, we promised to stay in touch more regularly and call each other more often. I got back into my world with new found energy and friendship and looking forward to the days that would come by when I could cement my friendship further. Was looking forward to the exchanges, the leg pulling…but was i expecting too much? ..

Left me wondering about the depth of the friendship, the bygone days when in our childhood friends meant the world to us!! where have those days gone??

Guess it was a case of out of sight, out of mind or was I too much of an emotional fool or am i just over reacting??!!!

Spoilt by the East

My recent travels have taken me to four countries in as many months. Three of them in the Asia region and one in Europe. I am someone who adapts to a new situation pretty easily without much fuss. I have been put up in very decent hotels in all my recent trips abroad. In Asia, all the hotels I stayed in had spacious rooms, comfortable bathrooms, excellent room service (very important criteria for me to judge a hotel as I tend to order a lot in my room as I work late!) and well organized conference facilities. Staff tend to go out of the way to assist you and make a guest feel comfortable. Have left most of these hotels with a smile on my face!

In stark contrast, the hotel room I stayed in London was extremely small, claustrophobic and room service wasn’t up to the mark. The staff were far from courteous (sniffing racism here??!!) and I sensed a disinterest and an urge to pack off guests as soon as possible.

The experience also left me wondering what these so called developed western countries have achieved! Asians have this history of pampering one and all and for once I wasn’t cribbing!!

Right to Choose

This morning something happened on the pavement that not only disturbed me but also set me thinking a lot…

I was on my way to the local shop with my daughter to buy some insignificant groceries…on my way there I spotted a person lying on the pavement and what caught my attention were the flies swarming all over him like a moth is attracted to the fire… For a minute my heart sank when I saw this pathetic sight…then I slowly observed the things around him: a smashed utensil on a ragged cloth, few archaic coins… the first thought was to drop a coin myself but I have always been against giving money and would rather get them some food.

This time around was no different…I bought the stuff I needed from the shop and then got a packet of pav (for the uninitiated, it’s the poor man’s bread in this part of the world where I live) for this vagabond. To be honest, I was feeling a little happy that I didn’t give in to the temptation of giving him money and moving on. Few minutes later, I found myself standing in front of this hobo, handing him the packet I had bought. The man looked at it, gave it one disapproving look and kept it aside!! I asked him what happened… in the most unflinching manner he said. ‘I don't want to eat this’.

I was initially not just shocked but angry! How could he refuse what I gave him! Seething with anger, I kept telling myself on the way home that beggars can’t be choosers! After a while when I calmed down, something struck me.

Why can’t a beggar have the right to choose? Just because he does not have the opportunity to get himself what he wants should people deny him his right to choose what he wants to eat?? Why did I have to impose my choice on him? Maybe if I had given him money he would have bought what he wanted to eat. Yes, I am also aware that they also buy things like liquor and beedi (local Indian cigarettes) and waste the money…

But what the hell, it’s his life and he has the right to lead it the way he wants to.

A city that never sleeps??

I am sorry i beg to differ....resilient, tenacious, city with a heart, are the main descriptors for this city called Mumbai. (I hate the name...Bombay was any day better!) Agreed 26/7 and 7/11 proved that the city has still a lot of goodness left in it...agreed that people still dont flinch to help one another when there is a major crisis like the above mentioned....

what baffles me is that the city and its people never seem to learn from their mistakes...there was tremendous grief, sorrow and loss around these incidents...people vowed to make this city a better place to live in etc etc....

Like in most cases (cricket for instance) public memory is short lived...people have moved on with their lives...have forgotten the promises made by 'their politicians' and bureaucrats to duck them in the water if they experience flooding in their areas, have forgotten that the city was supposed to look at a separate governance structure for looking at issues of the city only, and the list is endless....

People seem to be just existing in this city not living....isnt that a sorry state of affairs...do all megapolis become like this??

For me this is a city that never wakes up!

Fast Tracking justice....

Few months back a Japanese tourist was raped in Pushkar and there was hue and cry about this incident...a fast track court was set up and today the verdict was announced...7 yrs RI....this is great news and i am glad justice has won...but this raised several questions??

every day several women get raped in our country...why isnt anyone taking notice of all this and fast tracking justice here??

was this done becos she was a foreign national??

there is more to this than that meets the eye! Rajasthan, the state where it happened depends on tourism a lot for its revenue....since april 3 foreign tourists have been raped in the state...the state was under tremendous pressure to act not only from the concerned foreign embassies of the victims but also from the various service industries (hotels, travels etc etc) to do something to save face....

this is indeed a telling tale of how money and market forces seem to always work even when it comes to such ghastly incidents! welcome to kalyug!

Back after a sabbatical!

Back to blogging after almost three months...what kept me away?? i really dont know...wont say lack of time...had loads of them...!! need to ponder on this!

Mixed Bag!

I have some good news and some bad news for my readers…………..for first time readers follow this link to get to know the background of this post…..

The good news first: I have been elected to the managing committee of the society in which I reside. Yes, it does feel good, a sense of responsibility has suddenly crept in but the bad news has dampened the enthusiasm a bit…

Now the bad news: I was the only woman who stood for the election. Efforts to mobilize more women failed and I was the lone crusader there!! More bad news: more politics by the men ensured that they got one man to withdraw from the election thus making it only five members: thus making it a case of all nominated (me included in that) as elected unopposed!!!

Shucks! I was looking forward to an election process and was gearing up to meet different individuals………..

Anyway, all that is history now……the road ahead is full of challenges, obstacles and I am for sure looking forward to tread this path……

Wish me luck!

Islands of Excellence?

I am back again!

I am finding myself at a very confusing position in life at the moment……..the burning topic of discussion these days in India is the reservation issue: yes! Its come to haunt us again after almost 15 years……….

Initially when Mandal 1 happened I reacted against the whole thing – I didn’t have all my facts right and probably I was too naïve then and was carried away with what near and dear ones told me……… as I started working in the development sector I began to understand the merits and demerits of reservation……… I realized that not everyone has had the opportunity to enter the corridors of a school……..i realized that several of them had been ostracized for no fault of theirs and I realized very painfully that I belonged a class that was once considered an oppressor. I felt history had to be undone and people from the backward classes needed to be given a platform or an opportunity to get into school. I developed this opinion despite knowing that I had lost several of my cousins to foreign universities…….never to return again to their motherland…….

Over years, I also saw how this reservation was misused and politically motivated…..have seen people converting to some backward class or the other to take advantage of the benefits……..have seen several people who are truly backward (in every sense – socially, economically, culturally – with no access to anything in life) who have been denied the benefits of these reservations. As most Indians, I guess I came to terms with the fact that as in most other things……there are loopholes in this policy as well….

Now, its mandal 2 time. Now it’s the turn of higher education institutions who have to reserve seats for the backward classes. If mandal 1 was launched with the purpose of giving everyone a platform at the elementary level then does this mean that we have failed miserably at that and so mandal 2 is also being introduced? I am of the firm belief that higher education has to be purely on merit and nothing else…….. The IITs and the IIMs certainly belong to only merit category and the larger public interest dictates that they take in the very best and train them to standards that are second to none internationally.

(p.s - thanks Gugu for pushing me to get back!!)

Time to let go………..

In less than two months from now, my daughter turns two and more importantly in less than a week from now my little princess starts play school…………..thus she begins her journey into a new world, a world filled with new experiences, new friends, new influences.

These are anxious and poignant times for me as a mother - Anxious because I am not sure how my little one would adjust in school, whether the new environment would make her insecure etc……………. Poignant because my baby is now entering a new phase of her life; a stage when I would be spending lesser time with my daughter, a time when I would be seeing my daughter slowly spin a world of her own, an age when she would do all the talking and I would listen. And it’s the time for me to let go…………………….