Time to let go………..

In less than two months from now, my daughter turns two and more importantly in less than a week from now my little princess starts play school…………..thus she begins her journey into a new world, a world filled with new experiences, new friends, new influences.

These are anxious and poignant times for me as a mother - Anxious because I am not sure how my little one would adjust in school, whether the new environment would make her insecure etc……………. Poignant because my baby is now entering a new phase of her life; a stage when I would be spending lesser time with my daughter, a time when I would be seeing my daughter slowly spin a world of her own, an age when she would do all the talking and I would listen. And it’s the time for me to let go…………………….

Breaking the Shackles..........

There was a news item recently that caught my attention and surprised me as well. In Chennai, a society called Men Community Development Society (MCDS) has been registered as a society and believe it or not this is supposed to be the first officially registered Gay Society in India!! The president of this society gave an interview on TV and requested that his image not be blurred (which is usually the case because of the social taboo associated with homosexuals in our society) and he wanted the world to know his sexual preference!

It has been launched by the Indian Community Welfare Organization, an anti-AIDS Non-Government Organization, with the aim to rehabilitate homosexuals and to bring them into the mainstream. Considering the social taboo associated with homosexuals and homosexuality being a criminal offence in India, this is indeed a bold step. Also I was pleasantly surprised that a city like Chennai which is still conservative in more than one way, has taken this brave step!!

Mayhem!!

I was looking forward to this Sunday because it was supposed to be the elections in our building. Got up early that day, got all the work done at home so that I could be in time for the meeting. At the appointed hour went to the office and there was no surprise in store!! I was the only woman who attended the meeting!! The men were stunned to see a woman amidst them. As the meeting proceeded, it was decided that that the elections would take place before the end of the month and not today!! (Don’t ask me why!!) But as usual (that’s what my hubby tells me) there were abuses, accusations (Thank god! They spared the chairs!!) hurled left, right and centre. There was chaos reigning there and I was shocked that no one was willing to take control of the situation and bring some order. Finally I stood up (couldn’t have faced my conscience if I sat any longer and watched all that nonsense) and requested that people close the meeting formally and fight like cats and dogs after people left.

To my surprise, my short speech was well received (with thalis if I may add!) and the meeting was closed immediately.

Couple of things crossed my mind about this experience of mine: will my participation in this meeting send signals to other women to break the barriers and step out?? I could sense that couple of men were very uncomfortable with my presence in the meeting. One even tried to stop me as I was speaking. Will there now be more conscious forces working to not get women out of their homes???

Awakening?

I am deeply engrossed in a non-fiction book (I am an avid fiction reader) after a long time. When I had gone to the book store recently, something just attracted me to this book and immediately got this as a gift for my hubby (he is more of a non-fiction reader than I am). Didn’t read the synopsis or check anything just bought it. I have never done this before and I found this strange. When I got back home and looked at the book I realized it is from the author of one of my favourite non-fiction books – The Power of Now. This book is called the New Earth and the author is Eckhart Tolle.

I generally read a non fiction book only if it is highly recommended by someone I know. But I have started reading this book before my hubby has started and I must tell u it is shaking me slowly but painfully. Its making me realize the illusions I have about myself and people /things around me. Believe me I haven’t even read half of this book yet and I can feel the impact already; it sometimes scares me!

Holi Hai………..

This is one festival I generally don’t look forward to. Its that time of the year when all and sundry take it as the best opportunity to get ‘close’ to the so called fairer sex on the pretext of applying gulal. Several times I have seen girls appearing helpless and unable to say or do anything because they are termed as spoilt sports if they complain on this day!! Besides this, I have spent several days trying to scrub off the colour during our holi days in delhi. That’s when I decided I had had enough of this festival.

Then comes my daughter into my life! She is one helluva water baby and can be in H20 for hours at a stretch. She is a child full of masti. We did not want to deprive her of getting to see what this festival is all about and so decided to take her to the place where all the kids were playing; fully equipped with pichkaris and balloons and buckets of coloured water!!! Little did I realize that I would become the target of all the kiddos down there! Was continuously attacked from all directions; then I decided I take ‘revenge’!!!!!!!!!! There began the game of throwing balloons filled with water sans the colours and wow! for several hours I became one of them and had a blast. Oh yes! My daughter and hubby joined in all this masti and we had one big happy family holi!

I am ecstatic…….

Remember one of my earlier posts regarding my daughter calling out everyone’s name but mine.

She did finally and wow! My name didn’t ever sound so beautiful and musical. It has been worth the wait!!

Unconscious & Conscious forces…………..

In a week from now, the society in which I reside will vote its management committee……….as has been the norm with several societies; women rarely feature in the scheme of such decision making bodies. Like most societies, ours is infested with dirty politics too. The last month has been rather nasty; few have been verbal with their accusations; few have taken the route of penning down their frustrations and sending out letters to all and sundry once in two days. Again it’s all the men who are doing the talking and the writing. Where are the women???

I have taken it on to myself to speak to all the women members to atleast be present for the elections this time but little did I realize that this would be such an uphill task. Some get too busy when this topic comes up for discussion; some have other plans on that day; and a few are open to admit that their husbands don’t want them to get involved in such matters!!

I am not someone who will give up so easily……………the fight is on………….I will carry on………. Need all positive energies coming my way…………………….

It’s been a while………………

Its been more than a month since my last post………….so many things have been happening but somehow didn’t feel like penning down my thoughts on anything………a low phase…………..dull moments……….. Dreamy mornings…….. Reflective evenings……………… restless nights………

Hope to get back to some active blogging soon,…………….. very sooooooooooooooon

The Animal in Me!!!

Have u ever wondered which animal you relate to the most??? I have thought about this several times but more in terms of my own attributes but not which animal per se. I have often thought myself to be powerful (hold on! Why do most people have negative connotations to this word??). Powerful in the sense of having the capability, capacity and will to achieve what I want to achieve. Powerful as in having the courage to take risks, fight all odds and alter uncomfortable situations in life. Powerful because I think I have the ability to influence and convince people whom I want to!!

Recently, I came across an article on the Chinese calendar. I was interested in finding out which animal is associated with my birth year!!! Viola! It’s the TIGER!! Reading the attributes mentioned in the article did bring a wide grin on my face!!!!! Read on…..

“Tiger people are daring fighters, they are capable of standing up to the better end for what they think is right. Although they could be selfish from time to time in the little things, they are capable of great generosity. Tigers are unpredictable, always tense and like to be in a hurry. Tiger people are difficult to resist, for they are magnetic characters and their natural air of authority confers a certain prestige on them. They are tempestuous yet calm, warm-hearted yet fearsome, courageous in the face of danger yet yielding and soft in mysterious, unexpected places. Tigers are very confident, perhaps too confident sometimes. Although they love adventures, and are addicted to excitement it is better not to challenge a Tiger's confidence”.

The Tamil connection…

In my growing years (no! I am not that old now!!) I was not someone who was heavily into ‘arty’ movies – just didn’t like the idea of having to sit through a movie with your brains on!!!!!!!!!!! As years passed on, thanks to my development work and my interest in people and relationships, started watching the so called ‘non mainstream’ cinema. I cant claim to have watched too many of them and go and see one only if it is highly recommended.

Aparna Sen is a director who was highly recommended by a friend. I watched Mr & Mrs Iyer and loved it for its sensitivities and sensibilities! Then I watched 15 Park Avenue recently, a depressing movie but I appreciated it for the riveting performances of all its actors especially Konkana Sen. Something that struck me after seeing both the movies………….there is an important character (more so in the former movie than the latter) in both the movies who has a Tamil connection!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is it with Sen and Tamil??? I am yet to decipher!! But I loved it!! Better than the clichéd portrayal of all south Indians as Madrasis with those typical accents!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have mentioned this………can’t rest till I explore this connection………….watch this space!!

Musical disillusionment ...............

I am a sucker for reality shows especially the ones that showcase music talent. I would religiously plonk myself in front of the idiot box to curse the judges for their harsh remarks or to shed a few tears for my favourite contestant who was voted out!! Thankfully I have always stopped short of voting for my favourite contestant by sending them an SMS or calling them!! (I always wonder – do people actually sit and send those SMS’s or it’s a gimmick that the channel plays on all of us that they have received lakhs and lakhs of votes for the contestants. Could people be so jobless??!!! Well, if there are jobless ones like me watching such shows then I guess there must be jobless ones who send these SMSs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Off late I have been glued to couple of music shows that proclaim to be the best talent hunt shows ever to hit Indian Television!!!!!!!!! Some of the singers have genuine talent and I sit and admire (and sometimes envy too!!) their passion and their dedication.The transformation (I mean the physical appearance!) of some of the contestants is phenomenal and the focus these days is more on this and the packaging and less on singing talent per se. Something that struck me recently and irritated me to no end was the fact that few of the contestants did not sing live and it was after all lip sync!! Can u believe that!! Voices recorded in a studio and the contestant woes the audience (studio and TV) with his live wire performance!! It’s a different matter that some of them sang awfully despite having recorded their songs and they didn’t have to face the ordeal of singing live!!

This is such a shame! I feel terrible that I am one of those ardent followers who has been taken for a royal musical ride………………..

What’s in a name!!!

My daughter is 20 months old and at the cost of sounding clichéd, let me tell you all that she is the apple of our eyes. She is naughty, hyperactive, very inquisitive and above all a great actress!!! She grasps everything very fast……… I have to deliberate a hundred zillion times before I utter a ‘bad’ word in front of her lest she picks it up and uses it back at me!!! She is everything that I want a child to be!!!

Her latest fascination is names of people whom she knows. What is periamma’s name, navya? and she promptly replies “Apparnaaaaaaaa”; What is appa’s name? and pat comes the reply “Aanand”. She goes on to loudly pronounce all names but one………………… To date she has never been able to (or she doesn’t want to only she knows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) say my name! A name that was associated with her much before she was born; a name she carries along with her name now and a name her mother yearns to listen!!

Strange are the ways of life…………………….

Passion rekindled……..

“Amma, don’t move from there – Azhar just hit a four when you were in that position. Dad, what dress did you were two days back when India won the match?!!” very common utterances when I was watching cricket as a kid in our home in Trichy. As a kid I used to watch every match possible and used to even bunk school to watch a cricket match on TV!! Used to be highly superstitious about everything concerning the game and the passion for the game was sustained for several years thanks to the interest and fervor with which our family watched and discussed the game!!

Over the last few years, this passion has come down drastically and I am not sure why?? The over hype on cricket or is it the match fixing allegations or the fading away of my heroes like Azharuddin, Wasim Akram???? Recently, when my family got together after several years, we got to watch day 3 in the Indo-Pak 2nd test match. “Come on, do anything but don’t get out to a Shoaib Akhtar ball” screams by dad; “its time to give Afridi some bashing – hit him for a six’ pleads by uncle!!!!!!!!!! I sit glued to a seat because Dhoni (the new poster boy of Indian cricket?!!!!) smashes all and sundry to the fence. Arguments galore amongst everyone about ganguly’s omission, tendulkar walking away, the Pakistani crowd and what not.

Watching the match brought back memories of my childhood. The passion that flowed, the idiosyncrasies that followed, the expert commentaries, the non stop snack flows etc etc…………….

I miss those times……….. I miss that old me…………I miss that passion…………..

Another year younger.........

Who doesn’t like a surprise??! And especially so when it is planned and presented by near and dear ones. I am a sucker for birthdays. Generally don’t miss wishing people on their birthdays and try and make it special for them in my own way. Like a kid, I get excited when my birthday is approaching and sulk (a little!!) when it comes to an end!!!

This birthday (14th of Jan …. Ah ah! Not letting u all know the year of birth though!!) of mine was special for me in more than one way. For starters I got to be with my parents on my birthday, secondly my brother was with me on this day after maybe 20 years!!!! and the icing on the cake was the surprise party that was planned by my sis!!! It was a poignant moment to meet friends of mine whom I had not met for a long time!

And NO! Surprisingly I didn’t sulk when my birthday came to an end this year!!! Am I turning a new leaf??!!!

Inner Yearning……….

Yesterday I went to a birthday party of a 2 year old kid. Nothing new or uncommon… all of us attend birthday parties. so what’s the big deal? For me this was special, very special. I traveled almost the other end of the world (for the uninitiated…. I live in a city called Mumbai - its easier for me to get to Pune and other places than to a place called Kandivili which is a western suburb of Mumbai) to be there. Why all this effort when I detest the clamor of Mumbai traffic? When I have to be on the road for longer than I have to be with the birthday kid?

All this because this kid is special, very special. She is an angel because she has brought in so much of light and hope into my friend’s life. My friend has found the meaning of her existence through this kid. She has become an inspiration for several of us who have not dared to take the step even though we have thought about it several times. She is precious to not just my friend but to several women because she stands tall as a testimony to the triumph that single women can achieve.

She has been ‘adopted’ by my friend but in all truth she has adopted all of us into her world – her world of innocence, her world of simplicity and her world of truth. The bond between mother and daughter was so pure and so natural that it brought tears to my eyes and a sense of guilt as well. Why? Ever since I remember I have always wanted to bring home a child who was lesser privileged but have shoved it under the carpet and got on with life without paying much heed to an inner desire. What am I scared of? What holds me back?

Will I ? Wont I? ………. Time will tell…..

happy new year!!

couldnt have asked for a better start to the year! A great new party with my siblings, partied all night and the icing on the cake was getting an award for the best dancer at that party!!! (have often wondered whether I should seriously pursue a career in performing arts!).

Have recently started freelancing for various development organisations and the new year has brought in new assignments as well. yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!! Juggling being a full time mother with this work would be exciting and challenging..............

The new year has also brought in new energies within me to get in touch with all my old friends and I am having a great time connecting with all of them. Life couldnt be better and the year has just begun and there is so much to be done.........

All of u out there, may this year be the way u want it to be. Just go and chase your dreams..........